memories

It is hard to know what to do with memories.
Some moments leave you speechless, overwhelmed and in awe. Others leave you emotionally drained, confused, and hurt. I find it an amazing reality that we live in. Memories randomly attack us, fly out of that forgotten corner like a bat in a cave and we are usually helpless to the attack.

Often however, we don't mind because the sweetness, beauty, and warming depth of the moment soothes us, surprises us with its reality, and charges us for the beauties and memories that lie ahead.

I know that the time I spent in Winnipeg was a time that changed my life. Everything from the jobs I held, the people I worked with, the church(es) I attended, the experiances, wipe outs, regrets, and breathless moments - they are all such a deep part of me. Wound into every stitch of who I am and who I am growing into. That is an unsettling thought.

Lately every moment my mind has to wander it wanders to my memories of my time in Winnipeg. I feel helpless in the wake of them. The friendships, the tears, the growth, the humour, the mind bending, heart tearing, physically demanding, emotionally exhausting adventure that changed - and will continue to change - my life.

I love where I am at now - I really do - but I cannot express the longing of my soul to remain in my memories - the good ones and the bad ones - I want to return, I have every since I left and yet I know that I am here and am supposed to be here. What a frustrating position! Why was my time there so speacial? How is it that I am so wrecked for that place, those people?

If any people from my time in Winnipeg still read this blog - know that I love and miss your friendship and company more than expression allows.